


Take a Deep Breath, Hold your head high

by SansaDaaeAndAryaBelacqua



Category: His Dark Materials (TV), His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Gen, Interdimensional Wives, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Trans Female Character, Viola Parry is a trans lesbian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:48:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28109604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SansaDaaeAndAryaBelacqua/pseuds/SansaDaaeAndAryaBelacqua
Relationships: Elaine Parry and Will Parry, Past Lyra Belacqua/Will Parry, Possible Mary Malone/Elaine Parry
Comments: 8
Kudos: 6





	1. We were meant to share each moment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Val_Creative](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Val_Creative/gifts), [FernStone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FernStone/gifts), [cresswells](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cresswells/gifts), [flightofwonder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightofwonder/gifts).



Viola and her daemon returned home to Winchester on a cheap tourist bus at the height of a bustling afternoon. After the beauty and wonder of the Mulefa, the bus smelt of stale beer and air conditioning. These were not smells Viola found particularly pleasant, any more than a rat who has seen the wonders of Venice for the first time in their lives can find the smell of dung appealing when they come back home.  
Viola kept her hood up to hide her face while Kirjava slept purring upon her lap. Fortunately, there weren’t many people on board this bus today, just one stout old drunk who occasionally released a belch from his mouth and a pair of girls who held hands and laughed at each other’s jokes. One of the girls was a redhead who was always giggling softly to herself in a way that reminded Viola of Lyra. Viola wondered to herself if the girls were also Sapphic, or just good friends.  
The bus came to its end in the car park on Colebrook Street. Viola disembarked with Kirjava in her arms, hoping no one would notice the young Black girl carrying a large cat in her arms.  
Fortunately however, no one paid Viola any attention, and so Viola and Kirjava were able to move quickly through the world. All around her, Viola could smell the scent of coffee wafting up from the cafes and restaurants of her hometown, and she could see the sky shining a bright, vibrant blue above her with clouds moving across it like Angels flying through the worlds. As Viola absorbed the sensations of the street into her nostrils and her eyes and her ears, it occurred to Viola just how different her world felt after all she had seen on her journeys with Lyra. She kept expecting to see the daemons of other people walking by the sides of their humans just as they did in Lyra’s World. And then Viola began to imagine how lonely some of these people must have felt, to have no permanent companion with whom to share their fondest hopes and their deepest fears. It made Viola immensely grateful to know Kirjava at last, though she kept these thoughts firmly inside her own skull for fear of ridicule.  
Eventually, Viola finally arrived at Helen Cooper’s house and rang the doorbell. The old piano teacher was at the door in seconds, and without a word she led Viola into the living room where the girl’s mother was waiting.  
“Will, is that you?” Elaine Gardner-Parry asked as she staggered up from the couch.  
“Yes, mum” Viola responded, “It’s me. Viola”.  
“Why…is your name different?” Elaine asked.  
“I’ll explain in the car, mummy” Viola responded as she began to lead her mother to Mrs. Cooper’s car so that they could return home. 

Back at home, Viola finally began to explain to her mother the full truth of her existence.  
“You’re a girl now, sweetie?” Elaine asked.  
“Always have been” Viola answered back as she stroked Kirjava’s fur with her maimed hand.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Elaine asked.  
“Because” Viola responded, “I thought it would just cause trouble. That it would make things worse for the both of us”.  
“Oh honey” Elaine said, “Come here. Let’s cuddle up like we used to”.  
Without much reluctance, Viola moved over next to her mother and wrapped her arms around the woman she loved most in this single world and put her head on her mother’s shoulder as Elaine wrapped a blanket around her daughter’s back and gently sang:

You’ll be in my heart.  
Yes you’ll be in my heart.  
From this day on,  
Now and forever more. 

At the sound of her mother’s voice, Viola found herself drifting off into sleep as easily as she had when she was a very young child without a care in the world. For a while, Viola felt like she had fallen asleep in a bed floating on the kindest and warmest sea in any world. It felt good to have finally come home.


	2. The Sweet Silver Song of the Lark

Viola and her mother’s warm and dreamy sleep was interrupted by the sound of a deep voice calling Elaine’s name.  
“Elaine my love” the voice called, “I’ve come home”.  
Both Viola and Elaine roused themselves from peaceful slumber and saw the pale, misty ghost of John Parry sitting on a chair in front of them, smiling at having been reunited with his wife and daughter after so many long, long years. Elaine stood up from her couch and gasped in wonder while Viola rushed over to hug her father.  
“Well done, well done, my little one.” John said while stroking Viola’s hair, “No one on any Earth could have done better. I am so proud of you. You can rest now”.  
Viola smiled to herself through her tears. After so many years of hiding and living in fear of both imaginary enemies and the darkness that ate away in her own soul and threatened to swallow her alive every single day, it felt like she had finally returned from a long, dark, and tumultuous voyage.  
“John, is it really you? After all this time?” Elaine asked through her barely restrained sobs.  
“Yes my love” John Parry responded, “I’m home. I only regret that I could not have come home before my death”.  
“What do you mean?” Elaine asked.  
When Elaine had asked that question, John sat her down on the couch and told his wife the story of his expedition to the Arctic. Elaine learned all about the Window that had taken him to the world where he could see his own soul in the form of Sayan Kotor. She learned about how John had become a shaman amongst the Tatars and how he had been recorded to the cause of Lord Asriel Belacqua’s rebellion against the false God Yaldabaoth and the Lord Regent Metatron, and how Viola had made the awkward acquaintance of Lord Asriel’s bastard daughter Lyra, a fellow trans girl who was the reincarnation of Lilith just as Viola was the reincarnation of Eve, in the abandoned crossroads city known as Cittagazze.  
“Together Elaine” John said, “Lyra and Viola did nothing less than abolish Death itself. The world that once held our ancestors imprisoned for their disobedience of that false and ridiculous Yaldabaoth is open now, and those who die now pass back into the world, their atoms becoming once more part of the Cosmos. Unfortunately, this was not enough to stop an army of the terrifying Spectres from breaking out of the Abyss known as Tehom and devouring many souls after Lord Asriel and his paramour Marisa Delamare-Coulter killed Metatron and Yaldabaoth dissolved back into Dust”.  
“So what happened next, John?” Elaine asked.  
“Just as all seemed lost, and the Apocalypse seemed imminent” John continued, “Lyra told Viola this:  
“Viola, you are not broken at all!”  
“And what happened next?” Elaine Parry asked her husband.  
“Well among the elephant-like Mulefa they say,” John continued, “That Viola’s sad, broken heart healed three times over that day!  
“And then, the true meaning of Dust finally shone through, and so Lyra and Viola gained the strength of ten daemons! Plus two! And a great explosion of Dust exploded from these two children and burned the vast majority of the Spectres out of existence and brought Tehom low! Thus was the Cosmos saved once and for all! Henceforth and forthwith, let it be known by all Souls, that Rhyme and Reason reign once more!”  
And with the story now concluded, Elaine leapt up from her chair and hugged her husband so tight that it did not even matter that her arms passed through his form.  
“So tell me, John” Elaine asked, “When can I meet Lyra Belacqua? She sounds so wonderful. She healed my girl’s soul”.  
John Parry sighed and told Elaine about the truth of how Conscious Beings could not exist for long outside their own native Worlds because of the different subspecies of Dust that existed in each World, and how it was the Subtle Knife that cut between the Worlds that had enabled the Great Flood of Spectres to cause such terrible devastation.  
“For the sake of each other and all the worlds” John Parry explained, “Lyra and Viola said goodbye to each other in Lyra’s version of the Botanic Gardens and left only one Window open. That is the Threshold through which the Dead shall pass on their way to reincarnation”.  
John Parry did not speak any further, but Viola could see the sadness upon his face as Elaine realised it would soon be John’s own time to dissolve back into the Cosmos. As her parents hugged each other for the last time ever, Viola tried to hold back her own tears as she remembered saying goodbye to Lyra in her love’s native Oxford the night before. Kirjava sensed her mistress’ grief and purred against Viola’s side as a form of comfort.  
“Thanks Kirjava” Viola said through her grief as she rubbed her intact hand through the cat daemon’s thick, multi-coloured fur.  
“Papa” Viola said, “I’m going to miss you”.  
“Me too, child” John Parry responded, “Just remember what I told you. Be brave. Be kind. Be wise. Do not let anyone in any World tell you who you should be. Take care of your mother and of Amaryllis, as once I took care of them both. And above all, remember to your true self. Put aside the façade of ‘Will’. Become the woman whom you were born to be. And if you ever need help, or just to open your heart to someone, just bring Elaine to Mary Malone and Lucy Cohen in Oxford. They will help you give your mother what she needs most in any World”.  
Viola gently put Kirjava to the side and got up to hug her father. Elaine was quick to join in, and soon all three Parrys had given each other the biggest group hug any of them had ever experienced.  
In the distance, a clock chimed 22:00. And so Elaine decided to take Viola to bed with her. There, Viola and her mother once again fell asleep together, the soft sound of a hummingbird’s song echoing in her ears as she dreamed of once again dancing with Lyra Belacqua through golden fields.  
And as Viola fell asleep, just before she heard the sound of atoms dispersing into the wind, she heard some last words that made her smile.  
“Viola, the best things that I ever did in my life were that I married Elaine, and that I had you for a daughter”. 

All that is gold does not glitter.  
Not all those who wander are lost.  
The old that is strong does not wither.  
Deep roots are not touched by the frost.

From the ashes, a fire shall be woken.  
A light from the shadows will spring.  
Renewed will be the blade that was broken.  
The crownless again shall be king.  
-JRR Tolkien

This is my family. I found it all on my own. It’s little and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good.  
-“Lilo and Stitch”

But most of all, I’m thankful for loving who I really am.  
I’m beautiful. Yes, I’m beautiful.  
And I’m here.  
-Cynthia Erivo, “I’m here” from “The Colour Purple: The Musical”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amaryllis is Elaine Parry's daemon. She is a hummingbird. 
> 
> Lucy Cohen is Mary Malone's new girlfriend. She is a psychotherapist and her daemon is an agender jaguar whose name is Miranda. 
> 
> When you think about it, "His Dark Materials" and "Lilo and Stitch" are the same story in a few ways.

**Author's Note:**

> CAST FOR THIS STORY
> 
> Nina Sosanya as Elaine Parry  
> Not sure who would play Viola  
> Idris Elba as John Parry


End file.
